THEY turned out fine

See, I was a smoker. I smoked quite a bit once I was out on my own and working and didn't care as much about where my money was going because it was only me and my fiance (now husband). However, once I found out that I was pregnant (with my first son Justin) I decided right then and there that the last cigarette I had was the LAST cigarette I had... At least until I was done breastfeeding my son. I wasn't too sure I was completely finished because besides the smell I actually liked smoking (it might have had something to do with the fact I smoked when I was about 14 too)but knew that once my kids knew better I was going to be done forever because I don't want my kids growing up in an atmosphere of thinking that smoking is okay or having parents with smoke on their clothes - and whatnot.
After Justin was born I found out I couldn't breastfeed... so shortly there after (with also realizing that it was very frustrating taking care of a baby all by yourself while your husband worked). Tom (my husband) and I decided we would start smoking again. Nothing crazy (1 or 2 a day) - just enough to help with some of the frustrations.... When we smoked (and so you know we were in Corpus Christi, Tx - VERY hot) we wore hoodies, beenies, gloves and when we came inside we washed our hands, or faces and our teeth.... We didn't want ANY chemicals on us to pass onto the baby. I would tell anyone who smoked who was going to be around my kids that they either needed to stay outside or scrub up.... they told me that I would eventually get over that and it's just because it's my first and I'm being protecting of my newborn. WRONG!

After I found out I was having another (my second - Tyler) I quit on the spot yet again. We then moved up to Pennsylvania... Where I've been having most of my trouble because I have a lot more family who smokes.

You see... while in Mansfield I ran into many other pregnant women (like myself) who would go outside and smoke while they were pregnant.... BABIES IN UTERO!!! I even told them "You know - your baby breaths in that smoke and coughs and sputters.... that they get the niccotine from your blood... that they have a low birth weight... that it CAN'T be good for a little baby when it's not good for you, you wouldn't put a cigarette up to a newborns moulth!" And they said "yes and I tried quitting - but it's just so hard" In my head I was SCREAMING at the top of my lungs.... I quit! TWICE!!!!

Then, I would be told by others there who already had kids "I smoked while I was pregnant and MY kids turned out FINE"!

FIRST OFF: you're kids are only about - what - 7? Until someone dies you don't know if ANYTHING had an effect on they're life, body, health....

SECOND: I don't want my kids to just be FINE! I want them to have the best life that I can give them... I want them to be as healthy as possible, I want them to be able to have every opertunitly in life that they can be given. I want them to not struggle in school or have a hard time paying attention. Whatever! I want my kids to be EXCELLENT not FINE!.

Here recently I've been hearing THAT phrase a lot from people in my family who smoke... because I've realized that the standards I have set for my kids are now an inconvienience.... it's getting in the way of there smoking. THAT is getting me quite peeved!

"You know we let you in the car while your Nana smoked one cigarette after another and you turned out fine"
But he wasn't there for the ear infections, colds, strepthroat... and I don't know what else that those chemacles could have done to me or my brother... we aren't dead yet... in a couple years I could find out that I have lung cancer (I pray I don't) but you never know... just because someone "LOOKS fine doesn't mean they are"

No more mister nice mom.... If people aren't going to take my childrens health into consideration - then they can only come over and visit my kids when they feel like taking it into consideration. I mean - how hard is it to wash your hands... REALLY!?